he pulled me out of my sleep to feed...
before bed, perching on side reading mother-books trying to figure if i should be concerned: dry diaper after beach, diarrhea... when to feed? when to call doctor? husband saying not to worry, stroking back, sleep-fingers... me, praying, father-God wake me should aiden need to eat mid-night, for he no longer wakes--sleeps the night through.
and i felt the holy lifting me out of deep dream, his hands pulling me up, his whisper, "time to feed your son," and my body rose, fed child white milk manna... at exactly 3 a.m.
i could see his ribs, body stretched long in arms, and as i nursed i wept for fear he's too thin, yet he's tall, stretching weed in diaper and so, hard for him to keep up, and so i nursed... and he smiled up, cream-lips...
tapping leg as he drank...
and i remembered, me as a little girl, sucking in cheeks, begging God to be skinny, delighting in ribs, feeling fingers on bones and i shuddered, to think of mama crying into pillow for her tiny girl so intent on looking little.
the body, an object then. today, a vessel--dripping white into baby's mouth-pink, foot tapping--and i wanted to fall for the grace in letting me bleed life after four years of worshiping the weigh scale...
praying God help me lead my baby into life of thanksgiving. into relationship with food that revives and breathes health. into knowledge of this: flesh-skin vessel made for divine purpose.
the kind that wakes me to feed.
7 comments:
Emily,
These words here, honest and pure, shine at me. I see so much love when I come here, its inspiring.
It feels good to know that He, The God, loves us so much that He helps us when we cry out.
Oh Em. This post just shows how much you love your Aiden and what a great Mom you are! I remember always worrying that Logan was TOO CHUBBY! I guess every mom worries about their kids, no matter what they look like. And Aiden looks healthy to me!I guess we just need to trust in God and trust in our kids, they they will eat what they need and that is just they way they are meant to be! Love you all.
I love you, and your words. Thank you for this post.
You pour out truth and beauty here.
You have such a sweet, transparent heart Em. How well you love. How much wisdom you have gained. All will be well. He is such a beautiful little baby.
You do it to me Every. Time.
I read, and then return.
I don't know what to say , in the moment that I open your gifts.
You leave me humbled, filled, grateful, and always that little bit out of breath.
beautiful portrayal...leaves me feeling vulnerable...in a great way. I love it when we can really get real. God Bless!
Post a Comment