my childhood is strung across branch and light and "pretty" i tell my son as he tender touches bulbs and he marvels at the sparkle and then i kiss him sweet dreams and pray him down to sleep
and my friend and i stay up, mothers talking into night wondering how to inspire while letting go. how to help tiny ones be all they can be, without forcing them to be what they can't. how to be God incarnate for these womb-seeds.
and how to teach hard work and rest and true worth to pudgy dimpled minds?
mary raised a carpenter, but she knew he was more: he was son of God, and she stood at that door and asked Jesus to come home, no more miracles please, just be a carpenter and don't get killed, and she struggled with not wanting him to be his full potential for then--he would die.
and am i willing for this? for my child to die, even if it means him being his full potential? even if means him knowing God?
on this holy night of twinkle lights and soft talk, i feel the walls cave and heaven crumble and i wish for peace on earth. and peace in heart and mind so that when it comes to mothering, the steps will be angel-tread.
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41 comments:
This speaks so beautifully of a mother's heart ...
sweet as he "tender touches" the lights .. love that Emily. I have not thought of Mary standing at the door praying for safety...a reminder of the heart of a mother.
I always feel so at home here my friend...
As a mother whose son hears the call to join the armed forces, I too would like to urge my beloved child to just stay home, not to venture into danger. Not to place himself in harm's way where he could die. The only comfort I have is knowing his days have been numbered before one of them came to be, and he belongs, body and soul, to the Lord Jesus Christ. Yes. Peace on earth and peace in heart and mind. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.
tender touches got me too.
and there isn't an answer except maybe what you said, to wish for the world to be different.
I feel I am way too selfish with how I want my children's lives to play out. I would not make a very willing Mary.
this speaks to me, and oh how i need to learn to put these precious lives in his hands.
they are much better off in his than mine anyway.
Such a beautiful soul-touching post.
you are a terrific
mom
and
poet
and
painter
your sweet words make me taste sour and salty. praying hard with you. xo
Oh, it is sometimes quite difficult to be mother when it involves letting go, and when that letting go at the minimum involves a bit of death of us. Beautifully composed, Emily, as always, and as always, you touch a deep place in my heart.
And yet, I like them more the more I let them go. That ripple of complete difference from me. That independence, a first tiny bud of friendship.
Oh do I know what you mean. I will write more later.
we resonated a little tonight...seeking some peace on earth myself...beautifully said emily...
sometimes just love and a prayer is enough...and trust...trusting yourself as a mother, trusting your son to be who he is, trusting God to hold you all no matter what.
isn't this it?...how to be willing to surrender these loves that break our hearts simply for the love so full...oh emily, i feel this...i wrote about mama's and dada's whose hearts are broken through in a world gone wrong...
i am so thankful for you this evening and a heart willing to bear itself and how it blesses all the broken...xo
that's it! How a mother, any mother, can love our little ones enough to love them into their full potential! I love how God used real people, people with weakness and frailty to teach us that we don't have to be perfect to be used!
Thank you for your words. you bless me!
"and i wish for peace on earth. and peace in heart and mind so that when it comes to mothering, the steps will be angel-tread."...and that is advent...praying for Christmas to be fulfilled in all hearts...that all would love with His Love...come LORD JESUS. GOD bless your family dear friend.
such a lovely picture of a mother's heart...
and how to teach hard work and rest and true worth to pudgy dimpled minds?
this made me stop and ponder deep.
thank you for this glimpse of your heart, it is beautifully expressed. praise God that He answers prayers for peace.
I don't think our "Mother hearts" ever change Em. I find myself still feeling all those same things for my adult children - and now grandchildren. The Father pours out grace and gently leads - and comforts our hearts.
Love, love, love these words of yours...so much truth and meaning behind...I am blessed to read your words tonight. Thank you. XX
and my friend and i stay up, mothers talking into night wondering how to inspire while letting go. how to help tiny ones be all they can be, without forcing them to be what they can't. how to be God incarnate for these womb-seeds.
oh me too! i fear that my brokenness will drive them far from the Heavenly Father which is exactly what i don't want. i long for them to see Christ in me, but oh...what a miracle that will be!
em, your writing and paintings are gorgeous as always. i have few words now so don't comment often, but i love your writing. how is aiden's hand healing? *hugs*
Emily, I'm overjoyed to tell you that I received my print in the mail. It'so beautiful. Every time I look at it I see something new. I can't wait to get it framed. Love, Jodi
I've thought these thoughts. Makes me feel close to Mary when I do. She embraced death itself when she embraced that new life within her.
And we all shudder, for we know as mothers what that must have been.
That embrace.
Blessings Emily ~
Enjoy your rest.
xx
That mamma thing...oh to do it right. And friends to walk with us as we journey--such blessings.
Love to you, Emily.
"Thy will be done."
Really beautiful and honest, Emily. I am like Deb -- maybe not very Mary-like? I do not let God easily. I repeat what Carol says above, "Thy will be done," a lot.
You help me be a better parent. Sometimes I wish I could be the friend sitting there, talking of these things and more. Bless you this Christmas.
Great perspective! To think of Mary Jesus' mother with a mothers heart and wanting to protect him but being torn knowing what His purpose is and that she needed to have strength to the end to stand their while He was on the Cross. Great to ponder, also the part about "how to help tiny ones be all they can be, without forcing them to be what they can't." I think this is a struggle as a mother to direct and not control.
You know where this pricks me, friend, and I'm thankful for it still. For your words, scalpel as they are to my soul. How blessed I am -- to walk alongside women who get it, the hard and the holy of this motherhood walk. You are a gift I am counting this season.
gorgeous, emily... as always.
xoxo
i think i've made acquaintance with this particular paradox, this certain pain of being willing to trade life for an unmitigated love for God. it's soul-rending stuff, especially when our children are folded into the mix.
please, God. help us love you.
I understand your beautiful words...their sentiment. In this, I try to remember that they are not my children but His...
and how humble I am that He has given me charge of this brief time of their lives, their childhood...
and I must remember that at any given moment, He may take over, I may have to let them go, He may take them from me...
but always remembering that they are His alone to take and not rightly mine to hold onto for longer than He wills.
Love you and wish you a blessed Christmas season. Will miss Imperfect Prose and look forward to reconnecting in the new year.
Oh, the struggle and conflict of letting our children go. To be all they can be for Him. We first faced this with our daughter when she asked to go on a mission trip. It was so hard to let her go, yet we did. And God blessed and has blessed over and over again. Hope your Christmas is blessed.
nice blog... have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...
This tension that only mothers know, the pull between holding on and letting go...you describe it so well, so soft and warm like a mother's arms. There is rest here, Emily. Your son is blessed to have such a mom.
I am thankful for this meeting place of yours, where we can share hearts and be wrapped warm in His peace. May you and your family be blessed as you celebrate the coming of Jesus as a baby, and a King. And may the new year bring much to be thankful for!
the blessing
the entrusted responsibility
of motherhood...
"angel tread"...
so well said.
thank you.
and how to teach hard work and rest and true worth to pudgy dimpled minds?
Emily, there is so much truth in this picture. It reminds of raising my first child - I thought him capable of too much too soon, when his mind wasn't any more mature than his pudgy, dimpled behind!
Praying for you...the gentleness, attentiveness and joy, to mold him wisely, as He wills.
I feel this.
the "imperfect prose" captures my heart. i am a writer, and your words are mind-food. i've raised 2 boys, 2 girls, and now another little one who is 4- and every day i think of things i should have done differently and things i shall do differently. and sometimes i do them.
blessings...
Joining in late this week, but wanted to do so today, on the day our son went to heaven. Thank you for letting me share so freely through this group . . .
You have been an encouragement to me, Emily.
my pieces are scattered and i can't find them, right now. i love you, and you will be missed...but please find moments of rest in the coming days, friend.
merry christmas!
Popped in for a visit
and the grace here
just rolled me;
yes, I take my leave
a great deal richer:)
Broken thanks,
Jennifer
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