for two years i didn't let them hug me, and i would fall asleep hugging myself, and i'd hear mum sneak in late when she thought me dreaming, and she'd lie down beside me just so she could hold me and it felt so good, but i didn't let her know, i couldn't let her know, because then i might stop being angry: angry at them for not hugging me more, and it was a twisted circle like the vine of a sweet pea flower
it was a touch which told me i mattered, and i think, for children, this is what matters: to know they are important to someone, to know they are worth leaving the other 99 for, to know they are worth running down the prodigal laneway to kiss and robe and feast with despite spending the family inheritance
and today, i believe i matter in the way of leaving my hands in the dishwater for five minutes, still, just to feel them soften and the heat becomes a spa becomes a mother's mini paradise
i believe i matter in the slow in the light of winter, hearing the crunch of boot and the call of the cardinal and refusing to hurry the holy
i believe i matter in the curl towards husband's skin, in the placing of hand on the seed that grows womb within, in the laughing outloud, so loud, in the middle of the grocery store
for we do. we matter. enough for creator God to kneel toward earth, blow dust into swirls into dna into ribs and pat us perfect in the garden of eden....
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*the original of 'vase of flowers', and prints, are available here*
68 comments:
hi emily,
thanks for the opportunity to submit...I see that my piece relates a bit to yours...only mine holds no grief.
xxoo Becky
Yes Emily, you matter, we all do, and as I sat here reading your words, feeling the warmth of a cup of tea in my hand after a difficult pt session...I can imagine that comfort of the dishwasher being similar...I can imagine God's Presence, Mother's Presence, Sacred Comfort in the warmth...loving me in this moment after struggling so hard just to climb the steps back to bed. We are loved by a GREAT LOVE...always...every child...every child inside of us as adults too. Ahava Rabah Ahavtanu...we are loved by a Great Love.
xoxoxo
This is one of the best things I've read from you. Beautiful, especially the lyricism of those last two paragraphs. Thanks, Em.
"for we do. we matter. enough for creator God to kneel toward earth, blow dust into swirls into dna into ribs and pat us perfect in the garden of eden...."
Yum.
Tell your mum I said thank you for bearing you, bringing you forth, and hugging you "against your will."
I think about my Mom everyday, but the other night I especially tried to remember her touch and a hug, and I couldn't remember one. She left me before we could patch up our teenage years and then it was too late. I hug, touch and speak wonderful words to my children, and yes my teenagers too whether they want to take it or not.
Your writing leaves me breathless Emily, you are so special.
a tenderly given gift here this day .. the need for each other and Him .. your reminder stirs me
Yes, to so much--the ministry of touch, love that leaves the 99 for, that we matter so deeply to God. Yes.
for children, this is what matters: to know they are important to someone, to know they are worth leaving the other 99 for
i see this in my children. yes, the touch of love, the smile... it does wonders in them, in us. love your words em.
smiles. we do matter, so much...He thought of you before time began, just like me, and everyone else...created special with his fingerprints all over us...
Dear Emily, I really enjoy your site and thank you for the opportunity to submit here. I actually submitted two entries today. I couldn't decide which one. Track #13: Fresh Pair of Eyes was was playing when I visited and it really relates to both my submissions. The first one is called "See?" and the second one "Colour Me" is about how God sees us. To do that you will need a fresh pair of eyes. Thank you once again.
Elaine
I love the painting - it seems perfect for this blog. I don't however, like the mental image of keeping my hands in dishwater ;)
The next time my hands sink deep in dishwater and I feel like complaining, I will think of these sweet words that turn my head around to gratitude, to deep deep love. Thank you, Emily.
yes! i love that you mentioned the heat of the dishwasher... the steam coming out is like a facial ;)
and it's so true, that children just want to know that they matter, and they do. xoxo
Yes you matter. Isn't it funny that we don't ask for what we want from the people we want it from? Why do we do that? You matter and I'm going to start asking.
Just beautiful. It's so good to come here.
'to know they are worth leaving the other 99 for'
this struck me most...the extravagance of love and worth exclaiming 'I love you' and kisses b/c it's ok to lavish when they're little and to pray for the right ways as they grow and it isn't so easy...
precious reminders...you are amazing and foster an amazing community. thank you!
joining you today ...
On an intellectual level, I think we can all agree that we matter and yet when it comes to our actions, I don't know how many of us are able to show others, not just our children, that we do, euwally on all fronts, matter...
I love the art you've given us here today. Simply stunning.
Beautiful my friend...just like you!
A child feels it deep when we stop, notice, pause, turn away from the distractions and toward them.
I am trying to practice this more and more. Letting them know they are seen, known, loved more than the "things" I can so easily get caught up in.
Beautiful post emily, as always :)
xx
Reading this was like opening a window on what I am trying to do for my son ( I just wrote about this today)...I hug him even though at 14 he doesn't hug back like when he was little. Still I do this and tell him I love him even if he feels reluctant to tell me as he use to.
I have enjoyed your blog and though I have only found you recently I look forward to reading back in your archives...
Oh Emily... I remember those hugs from a mama, both pushing and pulling while sitting still. That cycle... oh that cycle.
This was gorgeous.
Off to soak my hands in dishwater...
I've been discovering how important it is for me to impart to my children, in a language that they understand, that they, too, matter. Deeply. Purely. Unconditionally.
Love the painting...
"and she'd lie down beside me just so she could hold me and it felt so good, but i didn't let her know, i couldn't let her know, because then i might stop being angry"...oh the paradox of those years...and your mum showing that agape love...giving what she knew you needed, not what you thought you needed...
and now you're the good mum, giving your wee ones what you know they need...beautifully written em
How beautiful that your mom did that! that makes me tear up. I always knew that my mom loved me, but it was a silent kind of love,and a rarely hugging kind of love. So I think I craved her touch, but didn't even know what I was missing. The other day, Sammy was singing a song at preschool, a simple, silly kid's song "Four hugs a day, that's the minimum." And it made me question. Am I becoming like my mom? silently loving, without the affection? and sadly, to a degree, I think so. So I have been purposely hugging and touching more. thanks for this.
Yes, to know we matter. I think of so many of us longing, reaching for the wrong things just to feel that worth. This was sweet and hopeful. What love that your mother had to come hold you as you slept. :)
pat us perfect. yes.
i can picture you and t. laughing in the grocery store (love it:)).
and i long to show my boys that kind of love. simply beautiful as always.
really cool technique on the painting, em! and really special, the way you turned words into family-hugs and winter-walks and dishwater.
Beautiful. I still cradle my kids (5 & 3 yrs) long after they are asleep. I whisper love and prayers into their sleepy dreams. Thanks for this.
Learning with you how much we are loved by Him and matter. Thank you again for sharing your heart.
You matter to me too! {{{{ }}}}}
Learning with you how much we are loved by Him and matter. Thank you again for sharing your heart.
You matter to me too! {{{{ }}}}}
Felt this one deep, deep, oh, so deep...know it but have never said it out loud.
Love this...the heat becomes a spa becomes a mother's mini paradise...lol, so true!
Thanks for what you do here, friend!
Oops..."Hannah" is my daughter, Emily. She hijacked my laptop and was signed in when I commented.
:) - imoomie
i think you are speaking to me. just me. no? :)
so beautiful, emily. words i needed to hear. you matter. i matter. in mothering. in giving love to these we are trusted with. xoxo
ps: thank you always for the opportunity to share here. xoxo
oh, and beautiful, joyful picture!
Beautiful my friend.
joanny
gorgeous painting too,....
I tried to link up -- but old mr linky wouldn't link, sigh, but your blog button is linked alright on my blog?
joanny
So inspiring Emily. We matter...just those words bring comfort and warmth to us grown-ups, and especially to our children. I think that the people that Jesus met felt that way when he spoke with them. We matter.
Andie
I am going to enjoy hugging my son today. I know I may have to sneak them later.
You matter. I matter. I’m trying to refuse to hurry the holy, too. But it’s hard. I must give my teenage daughter extra hugs today.
I love the simple sharing here - and the title is so inviting, inviting to "go ahead, share a little piece of you"...
Blessings,
Cindy
What a beautiful and redemptive piece! Thank you for sharing! I found your link via the awesome Brian Miller and felt inspired to share as well. The topic of 'imperfect' or 'broken' and how redemption can be found in both imperfection and brokenness is so compelling and poetic in its own right. Thanks for providing an opportunity to share!
You have such a beautiful voice. It's soft and loving, yet there's a strength there, as well. So happy to have met you. I'm going to enjoy visiting often and have added you to my blog roll.
Blessings.
Carolynn
I love your words and I understand this so perfectly. I don't know that even now I could express this sentiment, but it's so powerful the way you've done just that. Love it. beautiful heart, friend.
That painting is delicious. I think it's wonderful how God is using you now, Emily, to let other people know they matter.
Beautiful!
It's wonderful that we grow up and create the things we need and share to feel loved...
thank you, Emily, and everyone for sharing pieces of your heart...
I love the painting, Em. I received a print of your mother and children painting as a gift from my husband recently and I just love it! It is beautiful and so are you. Thank you.
you wash me fresh with grace every single time.
(and this painting has a reviving quality to it; my veryfavorite of them all.)
this. IS. perfection
this. IS. perfection
not linking today (trying to put the money where the mouth is about "kiddos first" -- and they're a needy pair today)
... but needed to say that i love every inch of this post. what community you've created here, all these writers doing life and sharing it. thank you, e.
Sorry to get here late Emily. Beautiful, just beautiful.
I think my favorite painting of yours yet. I say yet...because I know there will be one I love even more.
And your poetry-prose. Sighing big. "Pat us perfect." How DO you come up with such beauty in language?
I think my favorite painting of yours yet. I say yet...because I know there will be one I love even more.
And your poetry-prose. Sighing big. "Pat us perfect." How DO you come up with such beauty in language?
exquisite.
and I wish I could dry while you wash.
"oh how He loves us!"
Back again! And your post was wonderful. People need to know they matter. I think that's one of the biggest problems people have, especially young people. Thank you for writing.
this:
refusing to hurry the holy
and that you believe (where it begins) so beautifully, and then you know as you proclaim:
for we do. we matter. enough for creator God to kneel toward earth, blow dust into swirls into dna into ribs and pat us perfect in the garden of eden....
:)
Very cool and redemptive undertaking. Thanks EW.
Emily, i have missed your writing. Such honest angelic words. Glad I stopped in.
Your beautiful words refreshed me today. Yes, a mini-paradise with our hands held in the warm water. I do this daily as I stare out the kitchen window into the field, a world away, for a moment in time. Aaah, those simple pleasures...
That is one of my favorite parables Jesus leaving the 99 for the one lost sheep, beautiful writing!
That is one of my favorite parables Jesus leaving the 99 for the one lost sheep, beautiful writing!
That is one of my favorite parables Jesus leaving the 99 for the one lost sheep, beautiful writing!
sort of take your breath away, doesn't it?
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