It’s just a shoe, a pink baby shoe, but it shatters me like glass on the road where I walk, and I can’t go on...can only cradle myself against a tree as I would have cradled my child, the one who bled red from me.
There was nothing truer than that child's life, than my muscles making room for the link of limb, and now I feel false, a woman with an empty womb and it’s all I can do to pull myself home.
friends, i am over here at The High Calling today... please, visit. and please note, this miscarriage happened prior to Aiden... i had a dream, in which it was a beautiful girl, and i cannot wait to meet her, one day in heaven. i am also hosting, as per usual, imperfect prose on thursdays (link up, below). love to you all.
1. link up a post (old or new) that you feel is 'broken' or 'imperfect' or somehow redemptive
2. put the 'imperfect prose' button at the bottom of your post, so others can find their way back here (see button code in right-hand column of my blog)
3. read other's offerings, and encourage them!
Learn more about imperfect prose here.
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Image by Kelly Sauer (http://www.kellysauer.com/). Used with permission.
45 comments:
Oh, Emily... Praying for peace for you and your family. Crying for you. <3
I've never experienced miscarriage, Emily, but have friends who have. Hearbreaking.
Praying for the baby you carry now and your precious heart.
One pink shoe...
yeah my Brother David has been waiting for me since '78
a lot of big reunions...once our work here is done
- what a write today E.
The loss of a child at whatever age and stage is such a great grief; I'm sorry you had to experience that. Thank you for the courage to offer the pain and comfort back to us in your post.
The Lord bless you, Emily!
Miscarriage sounds like such a sanitized word for the tearing of a heart and a body apart. I know, friend. Thank you for hosting this space for the imperfect us, the not-yet-redeemed parts.
having walked with people that have tried so hard to have children and have miscarried, it breaks my heart...hugs and prayers...
Beautiful and heart piercing as always Emily. I never went through this kind of loss, but I was there as my sister birthed her stillborn years ago...so I have a second hand understanding, as my sister and I are very close. She has two children, one with severe learning disabilities and the other very healthy. We love them both equally.
Beautiful heart offering, Emily.
I hesitated to link up today--felt like my humorous musings on motherhood almost seemed. . . too casual in light of your post. I hope, though, that they will be read as a celebration of the life that continues on.
Bless you today!!!
You are a shining star Emily. Thank you for sharing the happy and sad.
Praying for comfort and health during your pregnancy. So sad for the loss you endured.
So beautiful and honest. Thanks for sharing pieces of your story, Emily.
It's a pain I know all too well Emily. My first born at 39 weeks. At this gestation it's called a still birth. I have since had two other children...but i still wonder sometimes!
Blessings to you as go to term with Kasher.
Yes, thank you for sharing your story. xo
i was so sad at first, thinking that you had lost your precious baby you're carrying now. so, even though it's heartbreaking to hear about you having gone through this, i'm so grateful that it's not happening now. much love to you, my friend!
Until I saw your comments over at the High Calling, I was so afraid you were grieving this baby. Breathing thanksgiving and prayer for you and baby today.
Isnt it amazing that after time, we can still feel these pains? We lost a little one, my son's twin. I too look forward to meeting him one day in heaven!
tender and touching post at THC. I tried to comment there but didn't work somehow. Thank you for this window in the pain, that many of us have experienced.
emily ..you shared such a life changing moment .. i thank you for the way you touch others in your tender truths...
I share this moment with you,I have four boys but inbetween I lost my baby girl too. I think at times...what her birthday must be like when Jesus is putting on the party for her!
First time over so thought I would share in the fun today. I look forward to reading more from you and the link ups today!
That really captures a mother's breaking heart! But really, thank you for clarifying that it's from a previous experience...
i love you, emily. i just do.
I am new to blogging and would like to join in. I will get around to visit everyone tomorrow : )
As I mentioned, I am new at this and posted too soon. I wanted to tell you how much your story touched me today and that you have a lovely blog.
o emily, your openness to sharing all of life, even pain, humbles me. I'm praying for you and your baby on the way, for health and peaceful dreams!
Em, 3 lost children here. and one was at my hand. I know the pain and a little bit more. This child will heal your heart.
my heart dropped - I am glad you pointed out that the post is not about the one you are carrying now.
Sharing in another's pain, as he did, is our calling...keep at it :)
oh em,
i've walked this road too. perhaps our little ones play together. One day we'll meet them--what a glorious hope.
thanks for sharing. Love you!
Sweet Emily, so much pain and so much beauty here. And I see your Aiden, smiling in the pics on the sidebar, and I think of how it will all be redeemed in the end.
I shared this comment over at the High Calling, but couldn't tell if it actually went up, so here I am again(!)
Reading your post, and the comments too, is so touching...I remember those feelings - and you have captured the insane journey of joy all the way through the darkest days of grief with words simple and powerful...the pain is healed now, and yet isn't it a wonder, that as we embrace the ones that made it through to birth and beyond, our hearts do remember and reflect on the ones waiting for us in heaven...the mystery of eternity already unfolding...
I so understand these heart wrenching pains. I've had three miscarried babies & a stillborn daughter at 36 weeks. I know how going through stores after any of the losses, how it would just jab my heart so.
And oooohhhh . . . what hope we have for eternity. NO MORE goodbyes! I look forward to that with you!
For a moment, I thought that this was a present truth. I wondered how you could speak. I have not experienced that loss, but any loss is heart-wrenching. Be well
Katherine
you echo the simple, poignant words of hemingway, who wrote:
for sale: baby shoes. never worn
and in such brief space, shares an entire world of grief.
gentle hugs, sweet friend.
Emily...
Your heart is so beautiful. :)
The Cowboy Kid
I've added a few more thoughts and confessions.
what a moment to look forward to when you meet her for the first time in Glory! :)
love you dearie!
em - i thought quite a few times about you and the baby during those last weeks and can only imagine how big the pain is...much love, hugs and prayers your way
My heart dropped in reading this ... so painful and aching, so beautiful, so real. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself here.
visited there ... and here ... your heart is always so tender
Still working on getting your link on my site :/
You post on my daughters site Us Plus Four sometimes--love your thoughts, your transparency.
I love that you are waiting with expectation...to meet your little one in Heaven.
So thankful to read of the joy with your little one Aiden.
I know it doesn't fix things (and I do know that)...but thankful God has given you that joy to experience now as you wait on the joy reserved in Heaven.
I know that pain, and you have captured it as only a true writer could Emily....i am not linking today....but wanted to read your words. Here is a hug....for it happened before Aiden...but i know how the pain of loss can linger like a true friend.
I'm sorry. My sister just lost a baby and I know it's very hard.
This is my first time linking up with you - thanks for letting me join in.
Stefanie
Sad but perfect
Mine is here-
http://weevencrythesameway.blogspot.com/2011/04/55-sleeps.html
Just wanted to say...I've found the most kindred-of-spirits through this link up (and the Wellspring)...such incredible posts and such encouraging hearts. I think this is the first week I've ever linked and I'm so thankful to find this spot.
the pain is unbearable. like you, i miscarried our first. and yet some how, even still, it makes me whole -- as if offering myself to that child were a great act of love. love makes me not feel broken any more.
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