her bangs are crooked as though she took a dull scissor and cut and she looks young, with her wide-set eyes and freckled nose, 18 but she runs around with water guns and eats ice cream for lunch and watches cartoons.
"i was an oops child," she tells me, this girl at the shelter. i'm sitting and listening, volunteering at a place that women run to. the kitchen is wide-open yellow and "it feels like a mansion," she says, this girl who lived for years in foster care then with a father who could never find work.
"there's no such thing as an oops," i whisper, and she looks down and for a minute she seems old.
"i mean, i was unwanted," she says slowly, and i feel little. how could i force her to say that? me trying to band-aid the world better when it has cancer.
she wants to live on a farm even though the foster children placed her on a cow when she was three and it threw her, and i see the marks from that fall. she shows me her drawings, a binder full of dress-designs and insect-sketches, and it's all from her head and she hopes to go into design but she had to quit school when her father left her with her grandmother and she was evicted. "i'm homeless," she tells me, scooping ice cream into a bowl.
we go for a walk, the dog named oliver leading, and everywhere is sky. i'm wrapped in toque and scarf and she buries her hands in her pockets. she tells me she has no friends and then she runs after oliver and i watch her, a lonely slip of a shadow against a very big world, and i want to hold her and tell her it's all going to be okay and she's very much loved and she'll never have to be brave again.
we turn back, and she laughs into the dog's fur. he licks her freckled face, and he's done it for her. made her feel the special i never could.
*please, pray for this girl, who's very much real? and instead of commenting today, would you mind clicking here and voting for this imperfect place? (thank you, humbly, my dear friends...)
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21 comments:
Sounds like a cool girl...too bad that most of us put down our water guns so soon.
You and Oliver make a great team.
How about both...the vote..and a comment...because this post hits close to my heart. So thankful that you are involved in this way...and even if you feel you've maybe said the wrong thing or the attempt is a bandaid...it's so much more...He can use it to speak such love into a heart longing to feel valued.
"there's no such thing as an oops"
So true!! Your heart for people is convicting. I am still trying to learn what loving one another means, you are a great example of what this looks like.
Praying for her, praying for you, supporting this beautiful blog! Thanks, as always, for your heart and words, Emily!
oh, you know, these souls the world over, so many lost and unwanted and looking for someone to look in eyes and say they care...you...oliver:-) {i had already voted for you when i went on to vote for someone else and saw you and here}
My grandmother and husband were both surprises to their parents, who thought they were done with diapers and midnight feedings. I agree with you; there are no oops children. :)
My dogs have a knack for making me feel special, too.
Lovely story. May the Lord reach this child and love on her as only He can.
if i'm allowed to do both...vote and comment..smiles..you have a good heart em - and honestly - for dogs it's so much easier than for us to express if they like someone because they just don't think so much before doing it..
Can I comment too? Please? Oh, good, because I was going to anyway ;)
This is lovely . . . I know that some children are unwanted by parents, but I think your'e right, too - no oops. God makes babies, and he wants them all, even the difficult ones and the sick ones and the broken ones and the ones whose parents can't see far enough ahead or don't love themselves enough to love a child. No oops.
Voted, and now commenting. May this child feel loved. Thanks for sharing.
Voted for you and also commenting... You bring me right into the story with you. Learning from you, your heart and your writing.
big smiles emily...there is no such thing as an oops for sure..and i am glad the dog could reach her...
taking the week off from IP as today is our 15th wedding anniversary, but still wanted to stop by for the smiles.
I have voted dear heart and I will be praying for her. There is so much heartache in this world, and I sometimes wonder how He can bear it all.
voted for you. you are so precious to me, and this story just reiterates that! your descriptions give me chills (the good kind)... and you did make her feel special. your just simply being there made her feel special.
much love to you
xo
this is especially special ... as are you
I voted! Now come on over to the Garden Gate and pick up your Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award!
I'd love to meet her. She sounds like someone full of promise.
i'm commenting and voting (and always poor at following directions). :)
it's odd, or maybe perfectly right that i read this piece and see so much of me in her, her in me. both built in His image and needing just one thing: the livening grip of a Savior.
Oh I see me there at 18, in that sweet girl. And in you she must have seen an angel dear Emily :)
i'll keep her in my prayers.
i couldn't figure out how to link up though.
you always reach my heart
xo
Usually I feel too shy to leave a comment here, in the wake of such beautiful words.
But today I was with my baby 10 week old daughter, whispering right there inches away from her gummy smile how beautiful she is and how much I wanted her. How I will always, always want her.
And it's because I know of so many of the unwanted, oops daughters who have lost their inheritance of hope and love left them by the King,and I want to scoop each of them up as I cup my Zoe and say it over and over and over until they know it by heart,
You are wanted and you are loved.
And I am so grateful that echoes of those words find their way home through women like you - who are there with the ice cream and the walks and the big dogs to make it OK.
Thank you.
Thank you for your amazing words, Emily.
~Lisa-Jo
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