he suggested i take a walk. he saw it in my eyes, this need for a walk, and he suggested i put feet to gravel while he took the kids in the car and we'd meet at oma's.
and so i did, waving as they passed and the sky a blue cardigan on old-lady earth, her knots unraveling with the clouds and the artist in me studied the knitted blue, and prayed God would fill me with it. the bigness of it all.
i prayed he'd open me wide to the wonder of the earth as donkey brayed from neighbor's field and yellow leaves mazed their way to the ground. and between my fingers, the kernels of grass and i liked how it felt, how dry and textured.
so ordinary, this grass, yet my eyes lifted to fields of wheat swaying gold beneath blue and it was masterpiece, thousands of strands of seeming ordinary, together, the picture of heaven.
grass falls to ground and my feet trample, grass trampling grass, for i am but one of these strands straggling from soil, my ribs made from his, my skin but dust and even as i walk, i age. the wrinkles deepen and the sands sift and i long to be special.
i've always longed to be special, and i remember: the vision of weeks ago, the vision of me kneeling at Calvary's cross, of tears wetting soil and flowers sprouting from the wet, hiding me, and then, the tallest flower stretching taller until it became Jesus himself, the gardener, emerging and me, nowhere to be found, Jesus in my place.
Jesus in our place, the place of the ordinary, marking his initials in the dust as he did with the adulterous woman. signing, "mine" and the wheat sways, thousands of strands of ordinary making extraordinary the field of gold.
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*prints and original of 'hummingbird' available here*
38 comments:
this is beautiful, Emily. so much that i'm going to copy it and save it for a day when my daughters will need to read something like this. those moments when Jesus reaches down, meets us in our need, and somehow, beautifully, in the process--we are changed, transformed, removed. . . and Him. He is all that remains to be seen.
just beautiful.
and you are so very special. not because of anything you do or anything you write here. but just because you are. He has made it so. bless you this day, sweet one.
steph
What a gift to paint with words like you do. I grew up wanting to be "special" - walked into life wanting to be that - trying hard, feeling like an outsider to my dream. I would see ordinary people who were special - and I would feel like the rejected child again - until I discovered who I was through Christ - who I was to the Father - and within that relationship I see that I am special to Him, that He has plans for me, plans are beyond my expectations, that are not societies view of special. There are days I thrive as He sees me; and there are days I beat myself up as the world sees me. And, that's because I take my eyes off the one who sees me,created me His kind of special! Thanks for reminding me to refocus!
How fortunate we are to have husbands who know when we need a walk in His world. This is special, and so are you.
Dear Sweet Heart,
My second daughter has a heart that your words remind me of. She feels things with such intensity. And, like you, she finds her Peace in Him. Always and Only.
Your heart is so very lovely, dear Emily. And that deepest of longings is bottomless, at times. But it's in that longing that we know our need. So that when He Fills, we truly are renewed.
You are such a blessing! To so many! Thank you, dear one. :)
I want to be special, too. Thanks for the words coloring the world pretty again. Growing flowers into Jesus. Letting God be so big I can't contain him. Thanks.
what a gift you have, love.
this is gorgeous. heartrending and resounding in my heart.
bless you for this watering of my soul.
You write with such depth and emotion. The visuals as clear as if I am walking with you, side by side. Emily...someday I hope you write a novel...it would be a gift treasured that I am sure.
yes. grass is a miracle, so are you, so is this. I feel so encouraged this morning. We're special with Jesus in our place. Thank you.
I wonder if you even have a glimpse of just how special you are to SO many of us out here... You are definitely special to me. I learn from you each week, with your gentle, non-preachy ways. Thank you for being you.
I have found that years of self hated only intensified my need to know that I was special...God has won and is still winning my over to His lavish love for me...just me...but there are still very small threads in my heart that He is unknotting...to pull free...to know and hear His affirming voice and in that voice will know...I am special. Grace to you sweet lady...we will journey down this road to greater freedom...one thread at a time:)
Blessings~
Beautifully worded...I love the visual of each of us being a wheat stalk in a wondrously golden field...and there is something about this hummingbird painting that just captured my attention...
Blessings...
resonating a bit em...my wife has planned a trip for the 2 of us this weekend just to get away together...like your walk, i hope to come away with similar refreshment...
Love. So much love.
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!
His, His, His. thank you, God.
Words formed and music to my soul...He pursues us still...
speaks to me as walking always helps me find balance again...tracing life when it's getting tough...loved this em
Always these "heart words" Em, and they fly straight to my heart and bless more than I can say.
The words to a gospel song have been floating through my head these days:
"Hide me behind the cross
where my gains become as loss
And only Your glory is in view.
Your power will be revealed
the more that I am concealed.
Hide me behind the cross
Till the world sees only You."
The verses are even more powerful and I find it is the cry of my heart to truly desire less of me and more of Him.
Your words echo these, and I thank you sweet girl.
You paint such beauty with words and brush ... special indeed.
"thousands of strands of seeming ordinary, together, the picture of heaven." something about this phrase Emily...it touched me deeply...maybe that our specialness is only revealed in relationship with (not to) others.
Thanks Emily. A lot.
Kath
Oh, I've had this ache too friend, and your words speak to me.
You ARE so special.
Love you!
Mel
Oh, like the adulterous woman...in all our brokenness, weakness, and imperfection...He writes on us, "Mine". Makes me want to praise our God....who abounds in mercy & grace!! ~ jen
I'm thankful to have a husband who sees those unspoken needs in me, too. It's such a blessing. Beautiful, Emily, as always :)
Your words make me feel. So much.
stirring words, friend ...
Emily I love your vision. jesus in growing before me in the garden. i have needed this so many times this summer.
beautiful....description of a walk.
and you are special, unique, glorious expression of the creative hands of the Father. No way to be any more special than that! WOOT!! :0)
I love it!! ..simply and descriptively wonderful.
I love how the one flower grew taller and taller until it became Jesus, the Gardener Himself. So very very beautiful, Emily.
lovely, dear friend. lovely.
Oh, Emily! So beautiful and real.
I felt as though I were walking with too.
Thank you for sharing.
Love the way you pray in images. I do, too!
Ooo, I like the new blog header. Maybe it's old news, but this is the first I've noticed it. "The sky a blue cardigan on old-lady earth" - what a beautiful phrase, and it makes me think of Nollie's cardigan, the one that comforted Betsy and Corrie in prison, from The Hiding Place.
You are special, very special. I don't know how you string ideas and images together like this, but it's simply lovely. (And I know that longing, too, no matter how many assurances to the contrary.)
So lovely!
redemption in wheat fields. lovely.
http://dramaticelegance.blogspot.com/2011/09/sacred-becomes-you.html
for you, dear one.
be blessed this day. <3
Dear Emily,
It is in the quiet He whispers-I love you-who you are and what is unfolding.
Thank you for your writing.
Thank you for your sweet comments.
It was very special to see imagine in strawberry fields the other week-very reflective.
love and peace dear friend,
RuthV
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