it's been hours of arms circling the cylinder of the toilet, its white waist rising and i've got a baby in my arms. and i kneel there as if in prayer and puke in my hair and my baby laughs. because he doesn't understand mommy being sick.
and this afternoon, curled up on the living room floor, and both boys just staring, at this prostrate mama. and it wasn't okay, their round eyes told me. heroes can't get sick.
but we're all sick. the question is, how to not let our sickness infect our children.
my arms hug the toilet and i wonder, how to let them know i am human, while still rising to meet their needs each day?
and i turn to the Jesus long ago born and always alive and forever will be, and i weep prayers into the bathroom tile, begging him to save us from ourselves.
(on a side note, i have created an Etsy shop... only a very few of my pieces are displayed right now, but over the next couple of weeks i plan to update it. love you.)
today i would like to give away an award winning digital scrapbook software that is extremely easy and fun to use. My Memories Suite is rated #1 by Amazon and TopTen Reviews. using this software, anyone can create digital scrapbooks, photo-books, cards, calendars and gifts without having to buy expensive and complicated software programs.
let me know why you want this software program worth over $40 (a wedding? a new baby?) and in seven days i will select a winner. thank you!
1. link up a post (old or new) between wednesday and friday that you feel is 'broken' or 'imperfect' or somehow redemptive
2. put the 'imperfect prose' button at the bottom of your post, so others can find their way back here (see button code in right-hand column of my blog)
3. read at least one other person's linked-up prose, and give 'em praise!
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59 comments:
For too long, I think I tried to hide my sickness from my kids. I wanted them to think I was competent, capable, and in control; not a sinner in need of grace.
Funny how that backfired. There's a tension between not burdening them with my own stuff while at the same time showing them that I, too, need Jesus. Desperately.
Beautiful post. Feel better. Hugs.
this is beautiful.
your art...oh your art, my friend! <3
oh emily. I hope this finds you feeling better. But I think while hard in the moment, you are teaching your sons truth. mama's get sick. and still love you when they physically are broken down. That's a powerful message. enjoy rest.
Actually, being human and the "not-so-strong parent" in their lives will be your banner in your children's teen years. So maybe this is just a little preview of the struggle you'll face every day in years to come. That sounds bad, but it's really a very growing, rich, albeit scary stage of life. Hugs to you, Emily! I hope you're feeling better.
And as far as the software, I'd love it because I am sooooo far behind on preserving my families memories, it's almost ridiculous!
Oh Emily...I pray you are feeling better and your strength is being renewed...and your prayer...to not infect our children...I wish we could completely protect...but we can't...but God has all immunization they need...I love what Ann said...He uses the one who disappoints to point to the One who never disappoints. As my children got older...I realized...they did not need a perfect mom...or did they want one...but they did need and want a mom who was real...authentic...one that quickly admitted my sin...spoke of my weakness and God's Grace...and you my friend...are a great mom and will continue to be ...not because you walk perfect...but because you are a humble soul...
Blessings and refreshing to your family...
Not only can't our heroes be sick, but it's scary to think of not being able to count on them... I'm probably staring and frightened just like your boys!
Oh em...what a gift you have. To take such a scene and find the beautiful lesson in it for His Glory...praying for you dear friend.
Beautiful. I find I use that word a lot when I visit here.
Praying you feel better already. Yes, even heroes get sick. I'm guessing even Jesus got physical sicknesses when He was here...
Thankful His grace covers our spiritual sicknesses and transforms the memories of our children to not remember all our times of throwing up.
i still hate being sick. I hate it and fight it and forget to pray about it. thank you for this, it's something I need to read...again and again.
Yesterday, I spoiled myself - I asked God to energize me, the Holy Spirit to fill me to overflowing with more than enough. I need to spoil myself more - because God wants to spoil me this way. Praying that you feel yourself and overflowing with energy to be this mom God created you to be. I don't think my boys ever see my human-ness - they just cannot conceive that I run out of myself - either in sickness or just exhaustion. Even when I say I have reached the end of myself, that I am sick, that I am exhausted - they still cannot wrap their arms around that. My oldest son, he will be a father New Years - maybe he will be able to wrap his arms around that as he wraps his arms around his child.
Wishing you an energy-filled, joy-fill, abundant-love-filled Merry Christmas season - and that you will not see white wreathes that look like toilets!
As a mom living with chronic illness for the past 11 years, I understand exactly what you feel. The truth is that they will be fine and seeing your humanity will strengthen their compassion.
Dear friend - So sorry you are not feeling well. Praying you feel better soon. Lots of love & prayers. ~ jen
I'm praying for you my sweet friend. I remember those days of being sick and having to care for my little ones. Praying energy, health and endurance.
I hope you're better now. Nancy's comment rings true. Showing them that we are sinners in need of grace while being "heroes" is a hard job. It's a balancing act made possible by the very thing we need most, grace.
The giveaway part? Maybe it would help me sleep better at night since worrying about printing photos is one of the top "non-sleep issues" I have. So sad.
Comfort, strength, and healing grace to you, Emily!
praying for you to feel better, soon...
Did you just show me a spiritual lesson from puke?
Yes you did. Thanks
Your words always walk a strong yet vulnerable edge. "begging him to save us from ourselves." I am with you, friend.
Astonishing how illness has the capacity to open our hearts wide. Be well my virtual friend.
praying for you, sweet one. and contemplating how chronic illness lends itself to these sorts of feelings so much of the time. so much a part of my kids' lives. each and every day. hmmm. you've given me a holy moment to ponder here this day. thank you.
i'd forgotten today was wednesday. i was just coming for a visit. maybe today, it's okay your house is so far away. missing you.
As a grown up, I now wonder how tough it would have been for my mom not to let us know when she was ill. Remember the days when dad made our lunch boxes and we complained about that not being as good as mom's :D
hope you feel better soon !
Ohhh, Emily, I hope by the time you are reading this you are no longer hugging your toilet. It's so hard for mama's to be sick. May you get the rest and peace you need to get your strength back.
And yes, I'd love the software. With having one wedding last year and TWO next year (our twin daughters) it would help so much to save money and be able to put gifts of memories together for our family.
Blessings my friend . . . Loni
Oh, feeling for you Emily...praying for you and your family right now for healing and for grace... may your boys be comforted and you also... and still you managed to write so poetically the truth of our desperate need for God...our greatest sickness, which is sin...love to you!
I pray you are well soon. It is so hard to be a mom of small children and be sick. It's true, children see us as immortal. We sprang to life the day they were born and we live to serve and nothing should get in the way. Thanks for reminding me of Jesus. You always have him in the front of your mind and your words push him into the front of my mind. :)
smiles.. they will soon enough find out that their parents are human...and it's good... just had a dispute with my son...he is sick and didn't go to work today and went outside to smoke a cigarette and was just about to leave and spend the evening somewhere and i made him go back in...ah..was ugly.. need to talk to him - and tell him i love him..
oh and hope you are better soon em..
Oh Em,
Praying You Heal Soon....
Scrapbook software - cuz my hands no longer cooperate well with fiddley paper and scissors, and I am now empty nested so actually have time to 'catch up' and review our family's life together.
It's no fun being sick. I hope you are feeling better soon!
And yes, I too pray that I do not infect my children with sickness that I may carry along with me in my imperfect self. Oh, do save us, Lord!
i hope you feel better soone em...we need to let our kids see these things...they happen and you can not always be strong but you will always love them....
I prayed for you this morning, friend. I hope you feel better soon. It's so hard taking care of little ones when you're sick. Beautiful write. Oh, and I love your paintings on Etsy. Love you!
Mel
Feel better soon!
They need to see your human-ness even it you wanna hide it.
I love the way you chose diction that seems to just fit the poetry of your prose -- "the white waist" -- perfect...
Hugs.
I visited your art site.
Man, what a talented woman you are.
God gifted.
:)
Oh, Sweetie! It feels like death, but the purging is the best thing and you'll feel better for it eventually. Stay hydrated.
The software sounds wonderful and I would use it to make a book of wedding memories - for starters. Mostly, I'd like to receive it because it would be a gift from you. *smile*
Feel better soon!
Prayers for strength and recovery. Thank you for sharing your gift of art with us.
I hope you are feeling better Emily....it is rough to be sick like that with little ones. :-(
Hope you are feeling better! It is so hard to be a sick mommy! Your words are beautiful.
What a wonderful give away! I'm always looking for ways to preserve memories for my children.
oh, i hope you feel better soon. tis the season. I have been sick for a long time as well.
sending super mom strength your way....and praying that God's hands heal you inside and out
new baby, busy mom....could use all the help i can get with the memory/scrapbook thing :)
hugs friend!
WOW! You just said what I tried too---in way less words! Praise God for the gift of words and expression! God bless you as you continue to minister to women in their deepest hour!
Oh, I've been there. Puking in front of the kids and trying to still be super mom when all you want to do (need to do) is stay in bed for days. Moms can't ever get sick, can they? I pray you are back to 100% now, and that you know that is okay for heroes to be human, too. I bet your boys wanted to take care of you, and they will for the rest of their lives. They will want to be your heroes - just one of the many beautiful things about having two boys :)
Thanks for your words. Yes, we are all sick and in need of redemption. Thanks for the link-up!
oh, this one is the WORST...praying it is all done and the little ones are protected...antibodies for Kasher from sick mama and covering of aidan...
i hesitate to say 'i am good' at letting my kids see me weak b/c maybe I am infecting? I don't know but there's a lot of grace and inviting Jesus into all I don't know and being in our midst, this, this is my hope. xoxo
You always seem to take the everyday things that happen in life and bring light into it...exploding the mind into the spiritual for a wake up call. THANK YOU. Hope you are feeling better. Praying that your children are covered in the blood that takes all infirmitys away...and healing before sickness is evident.
HOW COOL...scrapbook software. Oh so many things and gifts I could make and give to others. I love to create cards, photos, and love items :0)
I just said a prayer for you to feel better and the little ones to stay well. You are such a blessing.
i linked up! this was beautiful♥
Hoping you're feeling better, today, Lovely.
Oh to find beauty in sickness. You've done it.
Beautiful post.
hey Emily,
this was a beautiful, true to life post. when mama gets sick. yes, mothers get sick, and sometimes our children take care of us more than we take care of them. sometimes it is for a longer period than we would like it to be and this is hard on my ego. but God knows what we need. thanks for this truthful post.
blessings in His grace,
Nacole
This is so good, so important -- that beautiful, fragile vulnerability that I am required to show my children, to be like a child, to see the face of God. Thank you, Emily. And I am praying for your restored health. Blessings to you and your family,
Jennifer
Also, your paintings are stunning. This one, here, on your post, captures me. I love peeks at your art here. I am excited to check out your Etsy shop! :)
I hope you are feeling better, sweet girl. I can't help smiling at the little one laughing at his mamma getting sick! Oh, my. You are so brave.
I can't wait to see what beauty you have on Etsy! And a digital scrapbook? I could have so much fun with that :)
Love you.
oh friend, I've been there. And even now, as I'm healing from all my broken bones and injuries.... What I've learned is this. Although I believe God heals, I know he does heart-healing work, miracles even, in the midst of our suffering and sickness. If our kids can see us trusting God through these times, they are learning valuable lessons in faith. All the best to you friend! Get better soon!
Oh sweet Emily, I am SO sorry you've been sick - and I hope it is s very short-lived bug. But your so-true-point here is poignant and important. We are human and must let our kids know it. They, too, will be sin-sick - and freely admitting our own variety of this core ailment helps them to recognize it in themselves. But hopefully - by the grace of God and some intentional talking and modeling on our part - they will not 'catch' the same kinds of brokenness that sin has brought our way. Does that make sense? We can't save our kids from sin - only Jesus can do that. But maybe we can save them from some of the heartaches we've learned the hard way. Love and prayers, Em.
Oh, dear Em. I hope you are feeling better. The vision of you embracing that white waist and curled on the floor breaks my heart.
But it's true, we need to let our children see our own sickness and how we embrace Him. That only He can meet their needs through us.
as difficult as it is, i think you do wonders allowing your children to see honest moments of frailty. you are such a beautiful mom, em.
i'm praying you back to health, love.
emily .. I hope you are feeling better by this time as i write this ..blessing across the miles to you my friend!
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