his eyes are the eyes of a thousand sleepless nights and i've never seen such shadows on a four-year-old boy.
"who is that?" i whisper to trent while the children's choir sings and the church is decked out in holly and ivy and Jesus in a manger.
"that's one of the *Fritz boys," he tells me, and i turn back to the boy with the tired eyes and i'm crying. for he and his brothers and sisters lost their mama recently, and mothers make christmas, and i want to run up front and pick them up and rock them happy. forever.
so instead i turn to my boys and kiss their fat cheeks harder than i've ever kissed them and hold them until they squirm.
and i will wrap presents when i get home. for the boy with the tired eyes. eyes that never close for searching for her, eyes that will never stop looking for his mother this side of heaven.
and then i will wrap gifts for my boys, too.
for i don't know how long i have with them. and while i'm with them, i want to give them everything i can.
we give to others year-round. we do the world vision thing every december, and the operation christmas child boxes, but why would i give to a child overseas if i'm not going to give to the two in my own home?
why would i deprive my children the joy of opening a gift on christmas morning?
i've been reading blog posts by women i respect, about the concept of giving up gifts for christmas, and i truly believe these women have noble intentions.
yet i fear we're turning infants into martyrs. i fear we're over-spiritualizing christmas and missing the simple joy of tearing into paper and seeing the knowledge of being loved spread across a child's face.
yes, it is Jesus' birthday. but Jesus is alive and well and living in our children, so by giving gifts to them, we are in fact, gifting Him, and he is the one who says, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (luke 11:13)
we need not give many. we need only give a few, but in giving those few, we are delighting our children and teaching them the joy of receiving. so they, in turn, can be cheerful givers.
and so, i wrap. with trembling fingers. for the boy with the tired eyes, and for the boys God has given me.
for, come Christmas, we are all children in need of the greatest gift. grace.
(*name changed for privacy reasons)
photos by my dear friend, justina gibson
*shared today with ann, jen, michelle and laura
62 comments:
Oh yes. I agree. I know someone very close to me who don't give gifts to their children on Christmas and it breaks my heart for the children. But also for the parents... I get such a thrill out of seeing that happy face Christmas morn.
Love, hugs and prayers to you and your family this Christmas.
FlowerLady
Emily...as you have read at my place...I have swing the pendulum wide in the area...you have seemed to find a sweet ,gentle rhythm here...
Blessings as you walk in grace...
smiles...i agree emily...i think christmas bears much joy...giving to those we love one of them...and i think our children deserve our love...
also took shristmas to a single mom and her two kids today...they deserve it too...
This was exactly what I needed to read on this topic. I am so disgusted by consumerism/materialism this year (billions spent in the US already this hoiday season..ugh!), but I need to remember that joy that comes with little ones opening a gift. Thanks for the reminder to keep life balanced.
Such a simple sweet message here, Emily. Yes, we give gifts to remind us of the gift of Him. Oh, that my children would be joyful givers by seeing my example. Thanks for this.
It's a balance to keep Christmas and giving and presents in perspective properly. You have found it, friend, and I couldn't agree more. I have been bothered by the consumerism and what this holiday has become, more this year than many others. But like you, we do World Vision, and other gifts, but still give gifts to the children and grandchildren. I don't think that Jesus frowns on that. I will be smiling on Christmas watching my loved ones unwrap their presents, as we celebrate the unwrapping of the greatest gift of all, Jesus our Savior. May you have a wonderfully blessed Christmas with Trent and your boys, my friend. Love always.
oh, my beautiful friend. As you know, I nearly died this year. My kids nearly had a Christmas without a momma. And you are right, mom's make Christmas magic. This year is different from any other and as my nine-year-old said, "This is the most happy, happy Christmas of our lives". They have secret santas out shopping for them (since I can't do much of that), we are receiving and receiving from neighbors, friends and our church -- my children are learning gratitude in a way I could never teach them from deprivation. And they are learning generosity from the example of others. I know wii games and hello kitty clothes are temporal, but the message of love is eternal. Great post -- gracious and kind and wonderfully stated.
Well said, friend! (and Merry Christmas to you and your family :)
Like many other things: this gift-giving is not a matter of UNIVERSAL righteousness or unrighteousness. It's a matter of conviction. I think it would be wrong for you (at this point in your life and spiritual journey) to withhold gifts from your children. And I think it would be wrong for someone else (at this point in her life and spiritual journey) to give gifts to hers. That does not mean that either of you is closer to Jesus than the other. It's a hard concept and one with which I have struggled...not regarding gift-giving, but regarding other things.
I think our message should be: do the thing that feels right and true in your heart (barring, of course, abuse and neglect), and I will love and support you. Meanwhile, I will do the thing that feels right and true in MY heart, and--regardless of whether or not you love and support me--I will hold my head high.
There is no fear in love... I love the heart-thrown-wide-open freedom in this post. Sharing on facebook. I appreciate you, Emily.
It's definitely a personal decision, but I can't imagine not giving them gifts. Even Jesus received gifts from the Magi. It ties together beautifully. It's a heart matter.
In a selfish way, I love to give my children gifts because the gift is really to me. I love to see their excitement, and their joy at a few, well thought out gifts. And it teaches them so much... how to receive graciously, how to show appreciation, how much it means when a gift was lovingly thought out and presented - so that they can also give lovingly... I understand the reasoning behind not giving, but I want both! I want my children to learn the joy of giving, and the art of receiving.
I totally understand. I've thought a lot about not giving gifts within our family, but my children are not old enough to understand. Besides the fact I do want them to learn how to receive gifts, because just as we need to be cheerful givers we need to be thankful receivers. It's a balance for each family. I do enjoy learning from others and hearing how God leads people/families in this area.
You have an amazing way with words and I love every word you said here. You are so right. Thank you for posting and sharing your insights. They help me so much in my journey as a mother and child of God.
Yes, Emily, me too :)
We give of ourselves and teach the children the importance of giving and sharing through the year but Christmas is a time of joyful receiving as well as giving. We make a lot of our gifts, and buy quite a bit too! It is the one time of year we can really treat the girls and I get so excited to see the looks on their faces when they come downstairs Christmas morning and see Santa's gifts under the tree!
There is magic there!
There are seasons for everything I think and sometimes it is the season to break open that jar full of pure fragrant nard and take joy...
xx
thank you for this. with grace, too.
my heart's been all muddled up with this idea. to get less and give more. and i confess, i've wondered what it would look like if we only gave.
i needed this grace today. giving and getting are not mutually exclusive. thank you for that truth.
emily,
this truly spoke to me this day. i've been contemplating, and contemplating HARD, the whole gift-giving matter this season. i have felt like we've reached a really good balance, yet have wondered, as i've ready other bloggers and their thoughts.
it's not so much that your post gave me the peace that i needed, for i continue to pray about what God would have us do. but it just gave me a measure of perspective that i've been looking for. i spend the year teaching my kids that there is a place for extravagance, a place for giving, and how joyous it is TO GIVE. yet i withhold giving on the biggest day of celebration in our home each year? that would make no sense to them, and they are older children. it wouldn't line up logically with everything else we're teaching them.
so we continue to give gifts. . . and continue to seek the balance. a floor covered with gifts? no. breaking the family budget just to satisfy their wants? no. but celebrating the birth of Christ with a few gifts, with their personal desires along with their personal needs in mind? absolutely. yes.
and we delight in every single minute of it :-)
enjoy your week of unwrapping the birth of Christ.
love to you and yours.
steph
so very beautiful, friend. and true, this year i have been reminded deeply at how fleeting our time is here. i am soaking in every drop as it gently drips from my fingertips. wishing you a peaceful holiday wrapped with the warmth, laughter, and love from those you love. xx
I could not agree more. I watch their hearts hard at work on picking out gifts for others. There is no harm to them, for me to do so in return. There have been years when we could afford but one gift per child, and while this year we have been blessed with a little more to give our children, I know the joy that will shine on their face will be the same as on those Christmas mornings past...and the same light that twinkles from their eyes when they cannot keep from telling their grandma what is in that box for her under the tree. :) Enjoy your slivers of Jesus. Merry Christmas.
I completely agree, Emily. It feels like so many voices are telling me gift-giving is consumeristic, and I understand that worry. But I also know that part of what instilled wonder in my heart as a child at the thought of Christmas was the simple joy of opening presents. Does my daughter need them? No, not in the material sense. But I think in the sense that she needs to know the lavish gift we all received at the birth of Christ, the presents play a role. Thanks, Em.
Completely agree. the sweet looks on my kid's faces on Christmas morning are something I look forward to all year 'round. I can't wait! They know I've worked hard to afford the gifts we've said no to all year - and they're just as excited to pick out things for daddy at the dollar store. i don't think there is any sin in balance.
SUCH good words, spoken with grace, as always.
This is so good, Emily.
My husband and I don't exchange Christmas presents with each other but focus on spending time together, because that's what is best for us. But I balked at not giving my son presents, because, as someone said above, I know that presents are simply part of the wonder of Christmas. And I know that I will find wonder in watching him open them, too.
I think that people who have a voice should make sure that they aren't imposing their own convictions on others. There is room for a broad spectrum of traditions.
As I grew up without this wonderful tradition I echo the sweetness of giving, the sweetness of waiting to see, the sweetness of their faces on Christmas morn.
Your boys are so beautiful.
I admit, I've been feeling kind of guilty over the Christmas gift thing. I'm grateful to have come here today for this refeshing perspective, Emily. Thanks for that.
YAY!
just how i feel, but nicer.
thank you for bringing balance to the situation. Our children are needy too.
Yes, yes, yes! Let's celebrate out of the abundance of God's goodness, lavishing love on one another for as long as God gives us to one another, because He lavished His love on us. Let's move beyond either/or: Either wrapping shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child or giving to our own. I want to do both/and. As you said, our gifts don't have to be many or expensive but, oh, how I love to give to those whom I love.
"yes, it is Jesus' birthday. but Jesus is alive and well and living in our children, so by giving gifts to them, we are in fact, gifting Him, and he is the one who says, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (luke 11:13)" Yes! and Amen.
Full of grace and perspective and I would expect nothing less. :) I love seeing that so many of us are wrestling with it this year. As Becky said, it's a heart thing. And as others said, it's important to teach about gracious receiving. God gives us so many good gifts - and some of them are material! Every day, every moment is a gift. Sometimes the gifts are tangible, and it sure it a delight to watch them tear that paper. I think it helps them understand, too, why we give. By receiving, they understand part of the beauty of gift and giving.
Love you. :)
You really hit the nail on the head with "we need not give many. we need only give a few, but in giving those few, we are delighting our children and teaching them the joy of receiving. so they, in turn, can be cheerful givers."
There is a balance in Christmas giving. It shouldn't be rampant materialism and greed, but it does need to be a joyful expression of love and a time to celebrate.
Great post!
Oh! I forgot -- Merry, merry, merry Christmas to you and all of yours!
Your tender heart moves me every time. I love your sensitivity.
Oh, Emily, this has stirred me deeply.
I have felt the Father gently prompting me all thru this season... Be released into joy, Elise... and your words bring that quiet prompting to a shout- of joy!
Thank you, thank you, for reminding us to have eyes that see the great need in so many others, while not neglecting the marvelous gift- delight!- of bestowing good gifts on our children. As He so lovingly does.
Thank you. Be blessed- and released into joy!
Thank you for being brave and writing this Em. I have done the same thing and have since wondered, after reading some of those posts, if I did the right thing. I think we ask much of little hearts to understand no gifts.
P.S. Those are awfully kissable little cheeks on your precious boys :-)
So beautifully said. A breath of fresh air, and so true.
i agree - this is wonderful emily :).
this is perfect and beautiful em. absolutely right on. thank you for allowing me to breathe again instead of feeling condemnation. i love you dear friend.
Emily your boys are getting so big! LOVE love the photos ! gift giving too requires balance , grace and a tender heart for those children with the tired eyes...
blessings to you and yours my friend!
I started to write a very similar post tonight, but ended up somewhere completely different. So I am DEEPLY grateful for these words, friend, and for the good thinking behind them. The very first sermon I ever preached was on the John text about the woman who poured the expensive ointment over Jesus. And Jesus' strong, strong commendation of her for that offering. When we love on our children -within reason and budgets - we give them examples of extravagant love - the very thing Jesus noted in the woman's gift. I absolutely agree that consumerism is a disease to be guarded against, but giving NO gifts on Christmas? No, I can't quite go there. We have reached a middle ground in our family - we do both. We give each other gifts through World Vision, Water, Inc., our denominational missions program. AND we give small gifts of material love, things that say, "You are valued. I love you. Let me show you." Thank you for saying this so much better than I could. Just lovely.
Just giving gifts of love.
Merry Christmas E.
I appreciate your words here. I struggled with this this year, feeling that my children already have so much and that if they were *better* children, they would realize that they do and would want to spend the entire allowance of money for gifts on those who have so little.
And then, I realize, they are kids. And they do have hearts to give and we have. And it is not in giving them a few gifts of Christmas that is wrong, but rather if we ignored those whom God has asked us to care for.
I just love how you always have a fresh and refreshing perspective. Hearing from you is like a big gulp of cold water on a summer day. I hope you have a very very joyous Christmas! :)
For all of us here on God's earth, Christmas should be a big deal. Children should have big Christmas memories. I am thankful for these blessed times. Making magic does not have to be expensive. Enjoy your life in Christ.
Happy Christmas to you all!
For one so young, you are so wise... and my heart aches for those who are without mamas [me, but I am old], but for the young -- it must be so hard....
note: Christmas is not the same when you don't have your parents to share it with --- that's why -- it's for children --- it has always been.
:)
and those pictures of your boys ---
precious....
they are gifts from God...
cause that's the kind of gifts HE gives.
yes.
Yes.
YES.
And amen :)
You speak for my heart, too, Emily. Yes, so much value in giving to our own too. God blesses all the way around.
I'm so glad you had the courage to speak from this perspective--and so eloquently too. I wholeheartedly agree. I love your words, "we're turning infants into martyrs ... we're over-spiritualizing christmas and missing the simple joy of tearing into paper and seeing the knowledge of being loved spread across a child's face." Just perfect!
Thank you for this post. I have been so discouraged reading of the angst of some young Mom's trying to figure out what they should do for gift giving. My daughter is now 16 and I can truly say she gets just as much joy giving as receiving. Balance is key.
Oh, dear friend..how this made me cry. Because, I have had to give up gifts this Christmas. My husband just came home and announced that he's lost his job. And the few things I had been able to purchase for my children are going back to the store so that someone else can give them to their children...and the excitement that I was pregnant with has miscarried. I sit before Father, and ask why? Why am I consistently denied the joy of giving? and I cry angry like a toddler who isn't getting her way...but He is in the small, still voice. and as I lie exhausted from my fit, with tear dampened hair I know that the Gift Giver is here, and maybe He wants us to concentrate on His gift to us without the distraction of our gifts to each other.
I truly rejoice for you that you are able to give. For it is better to give...
Yes, mommas make Christmas. I will give my kids gifts, but I will carefully consider the message I'm sending them, too. My kids will one day forget the toys and clothes, but they'll forever remember our family traditions, the priorities we establish, and the memories we make.
oh..so, so, so good. thank you for this.
I completely agree... oh, and you have to know how adorable your kids are! Just so cute.
Janelle
I am days late in reading your post, so busy with the holidays. Since I have had four little ones, though all but one is out of the nest, I wanted to share this.
Unless your child is sealed off from the rest of their neighborhood, they don't go to public school, they don't watch any TV or listen to the radio, they will of course hear all about presents, giving gifts, shopping, and of course Santa. To stand up as a parent and deny that child of gifts is well....crazy.
Better would be to teach a life lesson on giving is better than receiving. That it is important to understand what it means to be given a gift and see that giving is a treasure as well. But we are talking about kids that change every year. One year they can be greedy and the next they may be quite happy with that one toy they have longed for. One needn't flood a child with tons of presents, but a few that they will really enjoy.
Childhood should not be a projection of the the flavor of the month in parenting. Just because someone else planted the seed of not giving a child the pleasure and magic of a gift doesn't make it wise or right. As a parent, what we do will be remembered. Believe me you don't want that child to remember the year without a gift because mommy and daddy thought the kids shouldn't have any. That will be how they remember it. Not the message the parent thought he was giving.
Have a child pick a toy out to donate and have them bring it to a drop off location or to a shelter. That they might remember if it is done every year. Alright...I will close here. Have a Merry Christmas...the best gift I have in my home is the love of my children and husband...
We've decided to give gifts but a few like you. It's a balance. Merry Christmas to you and your family :) Your kids are so adorable!
Man, I needed to read that. What a lovely breath of fresh air. Thank you. {Goes back to wrapping gifts...}
darn you, emily! always blurring out my computer screen!
I have never read your blog before and I know God led me to this post for a reason. I have struggled this year in particular over whether it is OK to give my children anything. We did give to them, just a few things, and I am thankful for the peace I have now, especially after reading this. Truly, He loves to give us good things. And I do to my sweet ones as well. Thanks for sharing.
I have always thought there was more to a gift than the gift - it tells a story, it speaks of connection, differences in different types of relationships. Those special gifts, when someone knows your heart and dreams and that gift whispers to the dream - oh, those are the most precious - even if it is a bag of cookies or a box to hide your treasures in or a hat to sport your attitude.
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matt 7:11).
How can they think themselves worthy of gifts from the Father, if they do not receive gifts from their earthly mothers and fathers. Our gifts dim in comparison to His - our children need to know they are valued enough to receive gifts:)
My heart breaks for that little boy who so wants his mother to hold him. Praying that he feels the love of God surround him, that he is like Samuel left at the church finding comfort in the presence of God:)
I love this. SO MUCH.
I think God's beauty and grace is AS MUCH in the rapture as in the sacrifice.
And Jesus was real to me ALL year long as a child...not JUST for Christmas....such a lovely balance here!
Hey Emily - I missed this before, and I'm sorry I did. Because I appreciate it and agree with you 100%. Absolutely, 100 percent. Thank you for saying it.
And God bless the Fritz boys. That breaks my heart.
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