Wednesday, January 11, 2012

imperfect prose on thursdays: the day i cut my dreadlocks

i always pictured myself an old woman with dreads.

now i'm a young girl with dull-chopped hair and the dreads in the basket on the back-deck where a cold wind blows, because he asked me to.



my husband, he asked if i would cut my hair when he shaves his when she loses hers, his mom, who's going through chemo, and i don't think so, i said. i love my dreads too much.


but he rarely asks, and it's his mom. and it's only hair. yet for her, it's everything, because she has no choice and i do. and so i chose love in the form of dull scissors and a tuesday evening and our sons watching and laughing in shock as the hair fell. his and mine.



and she'd asked him to shave her head when she woke up one morning and her hair remained on the pillow.


so we piled in the car, all toques and pajamas, and we pulled up the drive, and pulled off the hats as if to say, "see how much? this is how much... we love you" and trent's mom gasped.




and i can feel the contours of my head again, and the short strands smooth. and this is what love feels like. all clean and soft, and always growing.

and it feels good.




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100 comments:

Jen said...

it amazes me -- those things that we hold on to so tightly because we love them. but when we hold them up to the Light and compare the love we have for one for the love we have for another, somehow that which we clasped so tightly to starts to pale in the face of a much more overpowering love.

happygirl said...

We women are more than our hair, but it's hard to remember that sometimes. You look beautiful. Your husband and his mom look beautiful, too.

Sandra HeskaKing said...

Oh, Emily. Oh. This is love. Yes.

And you are so beautiful. So beautiful.

Messy Marriage said...

A very loving thing to do, Emily. I hope I have a daughter-in-law like you someday. :) Missed you over the holidays too!

deb colarossi said...

Tears.
so much love to all of you.

Tara said...

oh, em. beauty in word, but more importantly beauty in action

rain :: said...

everything about this made me cry...

{{you}}
{{trent}}
{{boys watching hair fall}}
{{his mom}}
{{love}}
{{choices}}

xo

Ramblings by Carol Nuckols said...

What a caring thing to do. You all look great.

Jennifer @ GettingDownWithJesus.com said...

Beauty here.

You... You are simply stunning in every way. I am so glad God made you.

LauraX said...

oh beautiful friend, yes! clean and soft and always growing, this is indeed how love often feels! I have one friend going through chemo for breast cancer, two going through radiation (one a brain tumor, the other ovarian) and the son of a friend is having surgery to unwrap and remove a terrible tumor from his left inner thigh and hip all happening as I'm writing this...The young man is only 21. So far chemo has not been enough, so they are going in, hoping to spare as much of the nerve, muscles and bone as possible.

It is indeed a day for love and prayers.

Donna Schultz said...

You look beautiful, just like your heart, friend.

ells said...

Oh Emily...I must say you are precious no matter what...your beauty flows from the inside out...in my secret corner...I would love to be that old woman with dreads...I am doing the old part:)but no dreads...I love this loving act done by a son...done by a daughter in love...
Blessings to you dear friend...

Nancy said...

You're a rock star. Can't wait to share this with my rock star diva girlfriend who lost her hair to the chemo. Now it's growing back in again, beautifully. Thanks for the reminder to pray for your dear mother-in-law. Love you.

Theresa Miller said...

You are one of the bravest people I know (sort of know)...lol! Good for you. You are beautiful either way and what a gift of love expressed to your mother-in-law!

I just watched your 100 Huntly Street utube video and what a remarkable story and how you are using it to help others is absolutely beautiful.

Shaunie @ Up the Sunbeam said...

Very, VERY special Em.

Jen said...

Oh Emily - The power of love and the beauty of letting go of what is temporal to help impact the eternal. Such a beautiful demonstration of love...real love....sacrificial love...something the world needs more of! Have a blessed day ~ jen

melyssa said...

Your short hair is beautiful and now you can wear all those cute headbands and scarves and look super chic!

Ostriches Look Funny said...

i love this.
I guess love knows it will grow, even if it seems like it's being cut short...and the people who aren't afraid to lose are the only ones who love.
This is so profound.

Maybe I need dreads...I don't brush my hair anymore anyway...:)

HisFireFly said...

Love. Choice. Sacrifice.

Your heart bleeds out in your words and I know that many are changed...

And that man of yours? God's perfect choice for you I believe...

SuzyQ said...

Oh Emily you all look beautiful!!!
Love is all those things.
Bless you :)
xx

The Life Artist said...

Ahhhhh! Such goodness, Em. You've made me tender this morning.

I shaved by mid-back length hair a few years back . . . I could feel you like my own skin in every word you wrote.

Love,
E

Brandee Shafer said...

See, now, you're one of those people who looks beautiful no matter what, with the hair.

Even moreso when at look at you with my Jesus eyes.

Still, with my regular old Brandee eyes, I say: go white-blonde again, Honey, because you're a rare person who can rock it.

God's blessings upon you, your MIL, your beloved, and the whole lot.

Michelle DeRusha@Graceful said...

All three of you are so, so very beautiful. Love to you and your precious mother-in-law.

Ruthiey said...

That IS what love feels like. Mhmm, this is a post I savored like a good hot cup of coffee. Thanks. <3

amanda said...

this made me smile. love your sweet spirit.

TessaD said...

What a beautiful photo of the three of you! Who you are and your love for each other just enhance the image

Rachel said...

this is amazing love, dear one. sister, you grip my heart with your dreaded fingers, now your shorn locks have taught me to love.

bless you. <3

wolfsrosebud said...

beautiful, sweet,loving thing you've done... and He is smiling at your act of love

Mama Zen said...

This is incredibly beautiful, and so are you.

Anita said...

I will always recommend shaving your head for anyone who contemplates it. I did it as a fundraiser for children's cancer for a friend's granddaughter. And I found an unexpected freedom from expectations, mine and other people's. As well as a new understanding and compassion for those who have no choice in the loss. I am not my hair, my vanity, my outward appearance and neither is anyone who suffers the ravages of cancer / chemo. Go, Em!

Brian Miller said...

nice that is awesome....big smiles...that is love and i know you made her day...both of you...so cool...smiles.

Brian Miller said...

nice that is awesome....big smiles...that is love and i know you made her day...both of you...so cool...smiles.

elizabeth said...

Awesome! You're beautiful either way!

Jenn said...

Beautiful. All the way around.

I missed updates from this space over the holidays--so glad to see you back!

Jodi said...

Perfect. I'll pray for Trent's mom.

HopeUnbroken said...

i love it--for all the reasons it truly matters.
bless you this day, sweet em!
steph

Meg Baxter said...

I bet her heart is bursting at the seams. Praying for your MIL.

tinuviel said...

Praying for both your mums, unimaginable comfort only God can give. You look beautiful.

Elaine said...

This is one of the most touching stories ever. It's full of love. It's full of sacrifice. Much like Jesus.

simplystriving said...

My goodness, shedding tears of joy here....

love is beautiful
and when we find a way to make it tangible --to act on it, so are we.

and you, my friend, are beautiful.

~nikki

Ellen said...

The gift of love, that says I share this walk you are on, shorn hair that all can see is just that. Just hair...for your mother by marriage she will not feel so alone. Open arms, compassion, fresh start.

Sending healing thoughts for her as she goes through her chemo...cancer be gone!

Your kids may take a double take at you and your Love for a bit.

I wonder if I would have the ability to let go of my hair as you did?

Nicole said...

I gasped audibly when I read the title of your post, before I even opened it to read. That is a courageous thing you have done!! I couldn't bring myself to shave my head when my mom lost her hair from chemo, a guilt that I will always carry. My vanity prevented me from honouring her baldness in that way.

God bless you. Your MIL is a very lucky lady.

Southern Gal said...

And it's beautiful. And you're beautiful. The love in the offering is tangible, Emily. Sweet, sweet post.

Abby said...

beautiful, sweet, perfect, true, real, love that keeps defining, forming and growing...this is the journey of a lifetime:} {and you are beautiful chopped hair only underscoring}

starla said...

a beautiful sacrifice....watery eyes

Kelly said...

Love is beautiful! I'm so thankful I got a glimpse of the beauty in your heart through this post. Thanks for sharing.

Rambling Heather said...

You look gorgeous!! You have me considering a short pixie. :)

Cara @ Whimsy Smitten said...

This love, I wept. For a love that is what you didn't, for the putting down of self for a gesture that says "you belong to us, see?"

Oh Emily, you teach me how to love and how to share it with the world. You are so beautiful. Thanks for putting your words and colors out there, where the rest of our hearts can be nourished by them.

Gretchen said...

This is a beautiful gesture. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Patricia said...

Wow...Emily! What a beautiful thing - you and your love. XOXOX

Justina said...

That is love. And I have always loved you with short hair (as an aside).

Farmgirl Paints said...

Why did this make me cry? Seriously that was love in the biggest way. Enjoy the change. You look adorable either way.

aseedinspired.com said...

whoa friend... can my eyes hold this many tears?
I don't know what to say... I don't have dreads but I have long hair.... and I have deep understanding and respect for what you have done.
so unifiying to you and your husband.
T

Lauri Volkert said...

"and this is what love feels like. all clean and soft, and always growing. " love this!!! I have to admit, i had serious hair envy of you dreads. Dreads are the one thing I really wanted to do with my hair but never did, and now I'm not sure I could pull them off while wearing a badge and steel toed boots, so gray dreadlocks are part of my retirement plan. You are beautiful with both long and short hair. I will keep praying for your mom-in-law.

Rose said...

It's crazy how many different forms love can take. It can look like scissors, it can look like silence, it can look like rain.

This is beautiful.

Cathy said...

How beautiful you are, with and without!

H. Gillham said...

That is love -- and you will be blessed by it.

debi said...

I love your heart :)
and I love your new look too!

Dolly @Soulstops said...

You both look beautiful inside and out with love!

Melanie N. Brasher said...

Aww, you guys look GREAT!

Melanie N. Brasher said...

p.s. you're so beautiful, friend. :)

Katherine Krige said...

A sacrifice of everything and nothing. I am sure the look on her face was worth more than any lock of hair that you shed.

Diana said...

emily - you have been a hero to me for a long time, you with your powerful story of redemption, your gorgeous words, your swaths of color on canvas, your mountain mama joie de vivre. but this??? THIS. Hero x 1000. And by the way - you look younger, if that is even possible - and you look filled with - and blessed by - love. thank you for this gift, for these words.

Diana said...

emily - you have been a hero to me for a long time, you with your powerful story of redemption, your gorgeous words, your swaths of color on canvas, your mountain mama joie de vivre. but this??? THIS. Hero x 1000. And by the way - you look younger, if that is even possible - and you look filled with - and blessed by - love. thank you for this gift, for these words.

Amy Sullivan said...

E,
Even without the dreads. . .still a beauty. Thanks for hosting a place we can all share a bit about ourselves and a lot about love.

Sadee Schilling said...

TEARS Emily. So glad you shared this--such beautiful, beautiful love. You look gorgeous with AND without the dreads. Praying for your mom-in-law and for all of you.

Courtney said...

Oh! I love that last line about love - clean and soft and always growing. You are a talented writer, my friend. Wow. You both look awesome and I know your mother in law must feel a wellspring of love in her heart when she looks at you. Bravo.

ELK said...

beauty filled . inside and out . recorded here for the boys to read and feel the love .. love to you and yours!

Blue Cotton Memory said...

So much love! So beautiful - inside and out! Praying for your MIL:)

Shanda said...

"It's only hair." What is it about the temporary things of this world that pull at our hearts and minds and often hold us in such bondage. Yet, you chose love and eternity and looking at the bigger picture. I love your heart.

Laurie Collett said...

I love your new look and especially how it reflects your beautiful heart. Love and prayers to you, your husband, and his mom.

Connie@raise your eyes said...

Amen, em. This is what love feels like...and looks like. When my beloved husband went through chemo and tears flowed as I shaved his head, my son walked through the door with head shaved...and then we all cried for the love of it.

Sharon @ Hiking Toward Home said...

sitting here with tears in my eyes. You are beautiful Emily... and it has nothing to do with your hair. Praying for your mom in law as well as a good friend of mine who underwent a bone marrow transplant today and has two rounds of very harsh chemo to go. Pray for my friend sheila today and in the coming weeks as the Lord leads...

Ashley said...

I think your Pixie cut looks really cute!

Leslie said...

how i love this. my heart and my eyes are filled... as hers must have been, when she saw you both.

p.s. you look adorable.

Whosyergurl said...

YOU look beautiful and what you did was beautiful. And...it will grow.
xo, Cheryl

Laura said...

That is such beautiful love. And you two? Beautiful.

Jessica said...

I linked up! Great post by the way -- very touching.

xoxo,
Jessica

Dea said...

May I join the chorus? Beautiful, Emily---your life expression, your love.

Cheryl said...

You both look awesome with short (or no) hair!

Allison said...

I pretty much agree with every post so far :) I love you guys and your kindness and your smiles despite the questions, the hoping, the ache for wholeness in those you love.
Thinking of you & Marge and the wonderful family you all are to me!

Old Ollie said...

So so late - having your site blocked is a drag...it will all sort out.

Jessica said...

Beautiful tribute to your mother in law. I love short hair...had myself once- and blonde too. But I am growing it out in tribute to my kids....cause they asked me too. Amazing what love will do! :) have a wonderful weekend!**
+

Nacole said...

Emily,

beautiful, friend. hoorah for you cutting your hair! when i saw the caption, i couldn't believe it. thanks for letting us have this very personal glimpse into your life. it challenges me and touches me. i especially liked your statement at the end.

blessings and love,

Nacole

Loni said...

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL & precious and caring, and what a wonderful daughter-in-law! Priceless! And this will be precious to share with your children and children's children for many generations! Blessings beautiful woman!

Alyssa Santos said...

**love. this**

sarah elizabeth said...

wow. both you and your husband are so sacrificially loving and brave to strip your heads down for such a gift. i'm blown away!

Bethany Ann said...

I didn't comment yet because I couldn't see the screen again.

Renee said...

I love that you did this! . . . Two years ago my best friend fought a brave battle against breast cancer. I was at her side every day for six months (until God took her home to heal her forever). She would have loved this pics! . . . I stopped in too late to join the link up, but I'm so glad I did! Blessings!

Ann Kroeker said...

Glorious! Sacrifice so soft and free and youthful!

Brock S. Henning said...

Awesome blog. Came across it from a retweet by @annkroeker. You guys are officially added to my blog list. :)

nic said...

i love how you do love.

beautiful, em.

Lyla Lindquist said...

That you would do this thing... And the why. Beautiful, through, through and through.

patty said...

i LOVE it! :)
i LOVE that you both did this! how brave.
i hope she gains strength in this. keeping you all in thought and prayer.
xo

Nimue said...

This love indeed.. I am so touched... Bless you !!

Debbie said...

A meaningful act. Way cool!

redemptionsbeauty said...

Well, after 95 comments you probably don't need one more but just had to say that this just reveals what a lovely, generous heart you have. Laying down your dreads for the sake of someone is quite a gift.

thefisherlady said...

and this is what love feels like. all clean and soft, and always growing...

my heart loves this!
praying with you

kindle fire comparison with ipad 2 said...

this is crazy mind.
you so beautiful^_^

Kathleen said...

I see two gorgeous people :) Love it!